How To Find A Deep Connection With Any Person
You probably have a friend or acquaintance who can easily make connections with all kinds of people. He effortlessly communicates with people from all walks of life and people respond to him positively. People as such always were a mystery to me and I badly wanted to find out what makes them so easy-going.
The good news is, I found this out and I’m going to share it with you. The key to effortlessly making new connections with people is your awareness of the deep connection you share with everyone in this world. In this post I’m describing what blocks you from the feeling of this deep connection, how to find it and what will happen to you once you feel it within you and other people.
Judgement makes you see the illusion of a person
It’s very likely that when you talk to someone, you don’t see their true nature. You simply see the illusion of who the person is which your ego creates for you. This illusion is created by your ego’s judgement of that person.
Whenever you make any kind of judgement about a person, you will be unable to see who she really is. You will only pay attention to the slightest traits of behaviour that match what you believe her to be. The stronger your beliefs about the person are, the more you will misjudge her.
Most of us go into any kind of conversation with strong beliefs or expectations of other people. That’s especially the case if you know someone well. You won’t be able to see people’s true nature until you let go of your labels and opinions about them.
If you shared some negative event with some person or heard something negative about him or her, it’s very likely that your future experience with such person will be negative. This will happen only because of your assumptions – you will literally create the experience from your beliefs. This will, to some degree, harm you and it might also harm another person, if he or she lives an ego-based life.
If you genuinely want to see the real nature of people, you should never judge or label anyone. You should accept people as they are and think nothing about them, because any kind of thinking will take you away from this neutral state of mind.
The easiest way to see the true nature of people is to have no thoughts whatsoever about them. Every single thought is either positive or negative, so it’s always judging. Even if you judge positively, you still create the illusion of who the person is rather than seeing the real nature of the person.
When you drop all the judgements about people, you will make some surprising discoveries. For example, what you would consider your worst enemy can suddenly become your best friend and/or you may start understanding and relating to people whom you disliked or were angered by.
Once you have the attitude of non-judgement, you will understand that every single person always acts how they think is the best way to act. Even criminals and those with whose values you disagree will appear to you as beings in search of light but using the wrong tools to get to it and therefore unable to reach it.
The feeling of deep connection
Once you make no judgements about others, you will start feeling the deep connection with every single person you meet. This deep connection is the energy that keeps all of us alive – the life force, in other words. This life force is not personal and therefore it feels exactly the same way in every person.
Once you sense this deep connection, the communication with people will become effortless. You will no longer fear being judged because you won’t judge yourself. You will understand the fears, worries and joys of other people and that will make you caring, understanding and compassionate.
When you feel this connection, the communication becomes effortless no matter how different another person is from who you are. On a deep level, even an unaware person feels that you recognise the connection between you. And if you are consciously aware of this connection, you emanate love and joy which other people pick up on.
I will be honest with you. For a long time I didn’t feel this connection at all. In fact, I felt very lonely in the world, although I had many friends. I totally bought into the illusion that my ego created and therefore I felt totally separate from the rest of the world.
This sense of loneliness made me miserable and angry because I thought it’s unfair for people to feel this way. I thought that everyone felt like I did – and I was almost right, because most people feel this loneliness all their lives.
When I started searching for the meaning of life, I kept getting more and more information about the true nature of people. That lead me to the change of my beliefs and because of meditation I got several personal revelations that made me understand the oneness of everything on this planet.
Books, people and my own experiences clearly pointed me to the non-judgemental attitude. So I decided not to judge anyone, not to put any labels on anything. When I started doing this, I got astounding results. People straight away became helpful and friendly and it was effortless to find common grounds with even the people who were completely different from who I was. Now I know that it wasn’t the people that changed, it was me who woke up from the illusion of separation.
What happened to me was this. When I no longer held any judgements about people, I got to see who they really were. People felt that they were not being judged by me so their egos did not come into play. This enabled me to have many fulfilling connections with different kinds of people and that made me a better, more understanding person.
Natural flow of relationships
When you judge no-one, another good thing happens to you. Other people stop judging you too. The outer world is just a reflection of your inner world, so if you have no judgement left in you, the world cannot reflect it back.
Non-judgement unfortunately is rarely exercised in our society. When we meet someone new or we talk to our friends, our minds keep making remarks about those people. Rarely do we go a step beyond this outer shell and discover the real people behind their social masks.
When you don’t judge, other people won’t feel the need to defend themselves or try to live up to your expectations. They will simply be who they are. From this reference point, you will always find something in common with any person you meet.
What’s more, when you find this connection, you can be completely yourself with everyone. You don’t need to appear one way to one person and another way to another one. You can be your genuine self and not to worry about it. The feeling of the deep connection makes you completely secure and happy. That’s such an amazing feeling!
When you find this connection, your ego as though disappears. You cannot feel insulted or insult another person. The conversation becomes so easy, you don’t worry about what you’re going to say or do. You and the person you’re talking to are completely in the flow, just enjoying the moment. Conversation is effortless and there’s much deeper and more meaningful conversation taking place beneath.
What I’ve also noticed is that after I discovered this deep connection, this common ground, I find it very easy to make new friends. Relationships, I guess, was the area of my life that I struggled with for a long time, but not anymore. Now it’s so easy for me to talk to any kind of person and to be really myself. I’ve also noticed that people, when they are with me, can be themselves also, which is great because we can have meaningful ego-free conversations.
If you still find it difficult to feel the deep connection with others, the following suggestion will make it easier to discover this connection. Simply focus on the similarities you have with others rather than focusing on the differences.
Also, if your mind tries to give you opinions about another person, simply ignore them. The less you are influenced by the judgement your egoic mind makes, the quicker you will be able to discover the true nature of people and therefore start feeling the connection that we all share.
Conclusion
Although this feeling of deep connection is blocked by negative thoughts and judgements from your ego, you can discover it by refusing to label people. The less time you spend judging others, the quicker you will become aware of the true nature of people. This awareness will lead you to the discovery of the deep connection we all share.
Once you find this deep connection, you will do a favor not only to yourself, but to others too. People love to be around those who have no judgement about them and who can understand them. This feeling of deep connection will never leave you once found and therefore you will never feel lonely in this world, even when you are completely alone.
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My name is Simona Rich and I help people improve themselves through the articles and products on this website. Although I have found my life's purpose and now fully enjoy my life, my life used to be completely different. 
I need to get this habit of not judging but it’s hard I think because universities and schools teach to judge.
That’s really true, we are taught at schools and universities to buy into the beliefs that might not be useful for us.