It’s amazing how quickly a person’s mood can go from great to negative. You can wake up extremely happy because it’s sunny outside and you have a perfect plan for your day, but as soon as someone looks at you the wrong way or something doesn’t go the way you expect, you find your attitude drastically changing.
It looks like such change of mood is unavoidable – after all, something did go wrong. It’s only natural to react to a bad event in a negative way, right? Not quite so. By reacting you don’t create new possibilities and that makes you stuck in life. When you react, you re-inforce your old conditioning which doesn’t benefit you in any way, it just creates more routine.
It’s much better to respond rather than react. Responding to an event means taking some time to think about it and then making an intelligent choice about what to do next. For example, if you break the door handle, you would probably react to this event by getting upset and affirming that negative things keep happening to you. But it’s much wiser to take a moment and think what you could do to make yourself grow or put yourself in a better situation because of this incident.
Know that every event, no matter if it’s positive or negative, can help you improve yourself and get in touch with your core. So if we continue with the same example (a broken door handle), you might think of fixing it yourself whilst staying completely present and not labelling the event. Such experience then will actually relax you and make you understand yourself better.
If fixing things is not your strong side, you can decide to call your neighbour to ask for help and thus have a chance to better to know him or her. The more people you meet and listen to, the more you understand them. When you understand other people well, you increase your understanding of yourself.
So it’s really true that there is no negative without positive and it’s much wiser to focus on the positive rather than the negative side of every thing or experience. Make anything that happens to you into a lesson which you learn and increase your own ability and intelligence as a result.
Losing the bigger picture
You get upset over small things because you lose the bigger picture from your view – your whole attention is on that small problem. So to change this, you should always back off from the problem and look at the total view.
For example, you went on holiday and everything went fine until you found out that the beach is much further from the hotel than it was advertised (it happened to me a few times). So you focus on this fact alone and – surprise, surprise – your mood goes down. You then start thinking about other unfair events that happened to you during your stay: the sheets were not replaced as often as you thought they should be, the breakfast was not that great and your partner seemed not to enjoy himself/herself.
Here’s a better way to handle this situation: when you catch yourself exclusively focusing on that bad event, take a deep breath and stop focusing on that thought – let it go. Now think about the bigger picture: you went on holiday, you are in a beautiful country and the locals are the nicest people you have ever met. Once you focus on these positive points, you will soon see that the problem you were thinking about a minute ago is too small to even mention.
What to do when other people upset you
If some person upsets you, you should understand that different people have different views on things and it’s impossible to please them all – and unnecessary. You may look extremely attractive to one person and totally unattractive to another. So there’s no point in getting upset when someone doesn’t like you or disagrees with you.
Rarely do the critics make observations and give advice that is constructive, helpful or necessary. Successful and happy people never discourage you, they in-courage you. Only failures try to bring you down to their level. So it’s always a wise choice to ignore people who criticise you with an understanding that they don’t want you to go for your dreams because they are too lazy or doubting to go for theirs.
I recently went to R. Kiyosaki’s seminar and there I met many wonderful people. But there was also one guy who I knew before, but only now I saw his true face. He didn’t achieve much in life, yet he had plenty of advice to give me about my business. He offered no advice when he didn’t know much about my business, but when he found out that I have many clients and that I am asked to do interviews, he started pointing out my “mistakes”.
That was a sad thing to see, since I thought he is my friend, but at least now I know his intentions. Therefore I made a decision not to be his friend anymore, and you should make such decision too about people who don’t want you to succeed.
An easy escape out of any problem
There’s another thing you can do to remain happy even if something negative happens. Simply return to the present moment. You get negative only if you keep thinking about the negative thing that happened to you. As soon as you center yourself, take a few breaths and try to “feel” the present moment in some way, you instantly relax and feel better.
To make this practice easy, when you feel upset about something, simply ask yourself this question: “What difficulties/problems do I have in this very moment?” And then you will realise that there cannot be any problems “now”, they exist only in your head concerned about your past or worried about your future.
Sometimes, when you try to stay present, your mind will keep interfering reminding you how bad things are and that you should focus on what’s wrong with your life rather than be in the present. That seems like a valid point for most, but that’s just an illusion created by your mind which desperately wants your attention. So if you keep ignoring these messages, your mind will eventually go quiet letting you experience the joy of the present moment.
You really don’t have to be a slave to anything that happens to you. Most people react to negative events in the same ways and therefore create more confusion and routine in their lives. Don’t be like most – choose to respond to negative events in more useful ways.
In general, you should always try to keep your vibration high – to keep your mood high, in other words – so that you would not get into the zone of mass-negativity. Because if you do, you will keep getting more and more upset until you remember all the bad things that people did to you and how unfair the world is. That’s not true, but you will really believe it if you keep dwelling in the negativity zone.
Lastly, I hope that this post convinced you that it’s definitely possible to not get upset over small things and that it’s not a hard thing to do. Try a couple of my suggested tips and see which one works for you best. Then get into the habit of using it and and you will change your average vibration to a higher one, thus making you a more relaxed and uplifted person.