Inside the Mirror

I remember standing on my brother’s bed, my hands clenching the roof of the closet. A little struggle and I would be on top. In order to climb up I had to jump off the bed, push up with my hands and get my feet on to the wood covering of the roof. I’m not quite sure what I was looking for. It might have been something really important or just a toy. In the end it didn’t matter at all.

What mattered was that it changed my life in one breath.

Eleven years ago I was seven, just a little guy living with my family in a small cold town. It could get so windy that the wind would have no struggle dragging me with it. It was fun living there. I spent my childhood enjoying northern nature. Always breathing in fresh air, and looking at the northern lights. Many things happened during those years. Happy things, sad things. Some things that I have forgotten. The things that now lay deep inside of me, somewhere deep in my subconsciousness. One day though, I will never forget, actually the event that happened to me because I do not recall many things from that day, or even what day it was. It might seem frightening or bring other feelings that sometimes are hard to explain, but I think of it as simply different.

The room had two beds. Mine was on the left and the other one on the right – my brother’s. In front of the beds were desks. I usually had my desk covered with books, notebooks, pens, pencils and every other junk you could possibly put on your table. Because I always had to do homework or other stuff at my desk, I never bothered to clean up and would always get a hard time about it from my parents. I remember that day being a holiday because I wasn’t at school and it was morning or just a little after noon, the sun was shining. I remember the room being very bright.

I wanted to get something. Unfortunately, I do not recall what it was. The closet was less than six feet high and had the color of very dark scarlet. There was a big box from the tv set on top of it in the left side corner which always was there and without it, it would seem like the room was missing something. When I cleaned I would always put stuff on the right side on top of the closet so the room would have a clean look. When I needed something, I would climb up and get it.

That day, when I was up there, I couldn’t find what I was looking for. I looked everywhere. I looked on top of the box, and under everything the closet had. I stood up, facing the wall, thinking of where it could be. I took a step backwards, and suddenly my hands were flapping the air, trying to grasp at anything. But there was nothing. I lost balance.

I could see the light, the light of the sunshine coming from the windows, warm and blissful. It felt like I was part of it and it was part of me; a unity I had never felt before. It seemed like time had slowed down and I was looking at a boy. He was in the air, falling down in slow motion. That boy was me.

I didn’t feel scared or anything, just confused. Looking at myself made me realize what it was like being inside a mirror. Looking at oneself out-side his own shell. I felt so free and peaceful and then I opened my eyes. I was on the floor. It’d seem possible that I would have broken something, but everything was fine and nothing hurt. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen where my dad was.

“Dad! Dad! You wouldn’t be…,” I screamed with excitement and confusion.

“Not right now buddy, I’m a little busy.”

“Oh,” I said with disappointment…

Going to my room I decided not to bother about it and keep it to myself. In the end how could I explain a thing like that and not make a fool out of myself.

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